Archive for 'thoughts'

Thought of the Day: Friday October 23, 2009

Posted on 23. Oct, 2009 by danielthepoet.

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If it’s the glory of God to conceal a matter, and the glory of kings to search out a matter, whose glory is it to blog a matter?

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Is It Possible To Think Too Much?

Posted on 18. Sep, 2009 by danielthepoet.

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When I was 19, I was new to the faith and growing through a nine month discipleship training school at church. I was prone to anxiety attacks and nearly debilitating fear of failure. I second guessed everything and never felt satisfied about ANY explanation. So I journaled and journaled and journaled, desperately seeking an opportunity to express my fears and concerns without being turned away by my peers or authority figures.

I’ll never forget the day when I spilled my guts to the discipleship director. Every concern I shared was extremely important to me. He looked at me with all seriousness and said, “Daniel, you think too much.”

I what?!?!?! How exactly does a person think too much? This one statement sent me into fits of confusion. How is it humanly possible to think too much? Doesn’t that just mean everyone else thinks too little?

I should have gone and talked with him further to get him to explain what he meant. Instead, I just simmered in “nobody understands me” for a few years. If my mentor couldn’t understand me, I had little hope that someone else would.

That isolation cost me a lot of growth. A lot of productivity. I still question whether it was necessary. Perhaps the soul searching phase was absolutely necessary. But MAYBE I could have moved past it with the right relationships and advice. Guess hindsight’s not always so 20/20.

Some 13 years later, I think I finally understand what he MEANT to say. A lot of my thoughts are anxiety driven noise, based on the fear of forgetting, of falling behind on projects, of disappointing my boss or my wife, etc. So much noise that can be quieted. I suppose I would actually think “less” in some respect if I were at peace. That’s always true after a good workout. The endorphins are pumping and I’m just simply satisfied with not thinking. It’s one of the only times in life that is true. The only other would be after a carthartic breakdown. The calm after that storm is very serene as well.

What do YOU think?

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That Wasn’t Poetry

Posted on 19. Jul, 2009 by danielthepoet.

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It’s ironic that my username is DanielthePoet. I’ve never really been a poet. A self-absorbed writer of prose, perhaps. But never a poet. Back when I attempted to write poetry, I bought up books of poetry whenever possible. I read poets like Mark Strand, Pablo Neruda, Lord Byron, John Keats, W.H. Auden, and Denise Levertov.

I immediately noticed a stark contrast between this published poetry and my own. The difference was subject matter. Mine was always about me. In my defense, it WAS college and the stereotype says that the world revolves around us during that time. Still, my foray into the creative arts was more therapeutic introspection and daydreaming than poetic description.

I couldn’t bring myself to describe a flower. Or the sunset. Or the rain. Or a smiling child. Or any of a hundred other poetic possibilities. They held no interest, for I saw no beauty in them. I was intent on capturing what I needed most: to find a safe place to call home and to find performance-free love.

I will soon turn 32. On occasion, I ask myself whether I should attempt to write poetry again. But I’ve lost my muse. The angst is gone. I have found a home and a family. I am not a vagrant any longer. I know no other reason for writing poetry.

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