I grew up in Bedford, Texas. I had two friends in my neighborhood: Will and Layne. They never hung out with each other, though. Not sure why. Anyway, I grew up being best of friends with both, and they both moved out of state before finishing high school.
I’ve found Will, but Layne Spencer is still somewhere out there in the ether. He had moved with his parents to Haltom City or Watauga during junior high, then they were going to move to Tennessee. Not sure if they were going closer to Memphis or Nashville. Anyhow, he would have been part of the Class of 1995.
If you’re out there, Layne, I’ve been looking for you. Just want to know you’re alive and well. Shoot me a comment if you read this.
What are your motivations for writing? Are you driven to be recognized? Are you hoping to be understood? Are you compelled to write?
I cannot be as forthright when I blog. That is obvious. I cannot share my thoughts in an uncensored manner. To do so would be careless and inconsiderate. But the urge to write is so strong. I have fragmented myself across so many avenues in an attempt to draw readers that I have watered down my message beyond hope.
No one will search for this particular blog. Not many, anyhow. But we as people are judgmental. If I share my thoughts on one subject on a different blog, I risk losing the people who are only interested in a niche.
I have no ultimate solution just yet. But for the record, writing to the public sucks.
There are days like today when I feel ridiculously swamped and drowning in a back log of work that the very idea of my wife looms like an oasis in the desert. I picture her lovingly caring for our daughter and all I want to do is be with them, taking in the beauty of their existence while I’m at work. If only I could be a fly on the wall, and see how they interact and how our beautiful Kathryn is growing day by day in the presence of awesome women like her mother, grandmothers, and aunt. They share a part of her growing up that I miss, and that very realization pierces my heart with a little pang.
I miss my wife. She is this priceless treasure I’ve been blessed out of my gourd to share life with. She has strengths in precisely the areas of my greatest weakness and lack. Times like this, my heart wells up with gratitude. My heart is so full. Words are my enemy when I want to discuss her value and worth in my eyes.
Of course, there are still moments when I wonder who this woman is and we bicker and argue at least weekly. I wouldn’t claim otherwise. But I love her fiercely. I long for her with my whole being. And I daydream of falling asleep beside her as the cool spring breeze causes trees in bloom to sway before us.
Some day soon, that dream will be come true. It will.
Some of the hardest lessons to learn are the easiest to describe. I’ve returned to my “brain guy” to get my brain “zapped” a few more times this week. It’s been a year, and the initial sessions went so well that I thought I should see what a few more might do.
Brain zapping is an art form as well as a science. It’s technical term is “neurofeedback”, but that doesn’t sound nearly as dramatic and life altering as “brain zapping.”
No matter. The important thing is that my brain is being optimized. It is more efficient and effective in executing its processes than it was before the zapping began. The latest EEG test shows that I have a very active right hemisphere. There is an abundance of signals there, but I need to be able to resolve those thoughts and ideas rather than continually bounce them around inside my head.
Yay for the brain zapper! It sounds hokey or intimidating to some people I tell. That’s okay. The point is that I have many more opportunities available to me now because I am not getting in my own way like I used to. I am much better at finishing tasks than I used to, and I expect to be even better off after my next four sessions this week.
The goal is to resolve some of my creative ideas before hatching too many new ones. For example, I own somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 domain names. Of those 40, I have created some 10 or more blogs. The rest of the domains are just sitting there collecting dust. Rather than continue trying to blog on 10 websites sporadically, I am getting one website staffed with bloggers so that it virtually runs itself. Once that is accomplished, I will move on to blog #2 and repeat most of the same stages. Eventually, I will have 5-10 blog websites staffed with bloggers who love what they do. I will make a little bit of money from the ads on each site, and that will enable me to either sell them off for a profit or to enhance them even further to increase profit and pay my writers something for their time.
All the great ideas will have to wait, including the ever elusive novel. One thing at a time. Conquer one hill, then take the next. And in the end, you have conquered a countryside. And all because the brain zapping has enabled me to think clearly enough to see the benefit of seeing a project through to completion rather than flitting from excitement to excitement as I did for many years prior.
Yay, brain zapping!
My wife piled some of my stuff in the guest bedroom and asked me to go through it. The goal being to reduce the amount of crap. After forgetting to comply for a week or two, I trudged through the door last night and grabbed two handfuls of stuff to sort through. Everything was trash except for some old writings, which I’d like to keep but not store in boxes to be lost and forgotten once again.
Why not post them online so they can be lost and forgotten there instead?!?!?! Brilliant! So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll post something every now and then that I wrote in the past (most likely in my early 20s). Hope you’ll enjoy it. If not, feel free to skip over and only read my random updates.
My wife and I have begun a small organic garden in our backyard. We’ve decided that peak oil is enough of a reason to be prepared to supplement our food supply from our own backyard.
Ask me about peak oil if you have any questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them.
It’s true. I’m sitting here on my couch, wondering what God has next for me. I am grateful for the provision he has shown me in the past, and I have no reason to expect him to bring that to an end now. I am blessed. I can say that without hesitation.
We are four weeks away from our baby’s birth. I am extremely excited. All I need now is for God to open the right door for my future.
It’s ironic that I began a major 3 week dietary cleanse on Monday. It seems that this cleanse was a prophetic act, and God is helping me to cleanse the toxins and impurities from my life. I do feel extremely relieved, despite the circumstances. Like a weight has been lifted from my spirit that I no longer recognized.
You and I both need to be reminded at this moment that we do not war against flesh and blood, which means that people are not the true enemy. People do things to hurt us because they are hurt and they have believed lies. That is the simple truth. All people are God’s creation and potential recipients of salvation. People may do horrible things to others and lie to themselves about their own motivations, but the truth is that they are simply hurt people doing things that hurt people do.
I am a wounded person. You are a wounded person. Let’s extend grace toward one another because we will only be held accountable to God for how we treat each other.
